To Be Or Not To Be?
by Nikki Kirk
Summary: Helen's acting weird. She cries over a lack of Hokey Pokey icecream and just isn't herself. So what's wrong with her? If all else fails, ask a detective!


*Category: Fluff, romantic, weird and wacky.  
Summary: Helen's acting weird. She cries over a lack of Hokey Pokey icecream, snaps at people for   
bursting her "thought bubble" and is generally not herself. So what's wrong with her? If all else fails,   
ask a detective!  
  
Disclaimer: I didn't do it. If you're planning on being mean to me, I take no responsibility for this story, but if you really like this, I'm always open to gifts of McDonalds?! Teeheehee.  
  
Author's Notes: Well, I had to write this because it's so out of the ordinary, and not many stories have been written about Helen. So I kind of screwed up her life, added a few bits and pieces, and this is what I came up with! Isn't it great? Teeheehee! Oh, and my English teacher read a few of my stories and said "You have highly developed descriptive techniques" or something like that, all I really heard was highly developed. Woohoo! I'm highly developed!!! Cool. Thanks for reading these Miss Robbie! I really appreciate it! :)! Well, as usual everyone, please send me feedback!!! E-mail me at sydneygirl2b@hotmail.com and I reply to basically every letter unless it's junk mail from some fruitcake businesses. So, what are you waiting for? I'm waiting!!! Enjoy the story!  
Dedications: I have some dedications to make!!! This is for Funky and Spunky (the pair that makes this possible), Esme (you groovy thing you), Natalie Williams (my fellow Rats addict), Jacque (the perfectionist) Heads, Miss Robbie (cheer up Miss!), Frenchie (the person that freaks me out as often as she can with her neck cracking, double jointed everything, etc), my big Couz Becky (the person I've wanted to be like all my life), my best bud Gemma (she's no Rats fan, but she's a great mate!), my other best buds Stacy and Caroline (for being weird, wacky, and totally out of control), and all of my mates at school (Yes, every one of them)! I think that about covers it!   
  
*****  
To Be Or Not To Be?  
By Nikki Kirk  
*****  
  
Helen sat at her desk in a trance on a Friday afternoon. She was daydreaming about a guy she'd met about a week ago at an inner city pub. He was tall, dark and handsome, with a gorgeous smile, a cute butt, and the most incredible body, as she'd found out last night. He was sweet, caring, sensitive, a total new age guy. "Helen..." Rachel's voice echoed in her head, interrupting her lovely thoughts.  
"Helen!" Helen snapped out of her lovely daydream to find Rachel standing before her tapping her fingernails on the desk impatiently.   
"Oh, Rachel! Sorry, what did you want?" Helen said quickly, feeling her cheeks go pink.  
"The case file for Peter Anthony Sanders of Balmain." Rachel said patiently.  
"Yes, yes of course. Hang on a mo." Helen rummaged through a filing cabinet looking for the file.  
"So, who's the lucky girl?" Rachel leaned against the desk.  
"Eh?"  
"Oh, come on Helen, I'm not blind!" Rachel snorted.  
"No one..." Helen smiled to herself.  
"Bull. What's her name?" Rachel noticed the smile creep onto her mate's lips.  
"I'm not telling you..." Helen grinned, pulling out a thin file and handing it to Rachel.  
"Oh, Helen!" Rachel jumped up and down a bit for effect.  
"No. You've got work to do haven't you?" Helen said sternly, looking up at Rachel with a gleam in her eyes.  
"I'm going to keep on at you till you tell me." Rachel informed Helen as she ran back up to the D's office.  
"Yeah, yeah." Helen chuckled.  
Just then Tayler emerged from the meal room. "What are you looking so happy about?" she asked suspiciously.  
"Oh, nothing..." Helen said innocently, the silly smile and blush coming back to torture her.  
"Yeah, right." Tayler sniffed.  
  
*****  
  
"Helen... Helen..." Frank cooed, standing right in front of her.  
"Helen..." Helen still didn't move or change her expression, a wistful look making her eyes appear hazy.  
"HELEN!!!" Frank clapped his hands loudly in front of the dreaming Sergeant's face.  
She jumped, looked up, and gave Frank a filthy look. "What?!" Helen snapped, peeved with the whole station for bursting her thought bubble every ten minutes.  
"Rachel and I are going over to arrest that fulla, uh, Peter Sanders. Okay?" Frank grinned cheekily at Helen until she smiled slightly.  
"Fine. Just... stop interrupting my thoughts, okay?" Helen snorted, pretending to shuffle some files into a neater pile.  
"Eh? Are you feeling okay Helen? And who's this girl you're going out with?" Frank suddenly remembered what Rachel had told him a few hours before.  
"Huh? What girl? Uh, no one." Helen looked away from Frank's penetrating gaze, though she was bursting to tell him.  
"Bullocks." Frank smirked.  
"Frank! Stop harassing Helen! That's my job!" Rachel snapped as she emerged from upstairs.  
"Sorry." Frank pretended to look at his feet in shame.  
"That's alright, just don't do it again, okay?"  
"Yes Mummy."  
"Good boy, now run along and play, Gavin and Tommy want to play boats and Captains on the harbour with you."  
"Yay!" Frank squealed with mock joy, and hurtled out the door to go and wait for her with the boys by the Nemesis.  
Rachel looked at Helen. Helen looked at Rachel. For a while they just had a staring match, but Rachel won in the end because Helen started blushing. "Well?" Rachel smiled sneakily.  
"Well what?"  
"Who is it?"  
"I don't know what on earth you're talking about Rachel." Helen went as crimson as a beetroot.  
"Oh, come off it Helen! Tell me!" Rachel whined, sick of this game. She was a Detective, a damn good one at that, and she was going to make Helen confess, no matter what.  
"I'll tell you later. Say, what're you doing after work?" Helen had an idea.  
"Uh, nothing much..."   
"Good. I'll see you at Cutters then." Helen sniggered.  
"Are you bringing her?"   
"Uh... yeah..." Helen said slowly, not looking Rachel in the eye.  
"Oh, come on Helen! I know when someone's lying, and you would have to be the worst liar I've ever met." Rachel stood in the sunny reception, hands on hips.  
"Look, I'm not going to tell you, alright Rachel? And stop playing Detective, you're annoying me." Helen moaned, walking into the meal room.  
"Helen, aren't you neglecting one fact?"  
"What's that?"  
"I *am* a Detective. And I'm at work."   
"Oh. Well, maybe that's why you're a Detective and I'm the Sergeant, eh?" Helen called, and disappeared into the depths of the coffee machine corner.  
Rachel sighed, grinned at Tayler, then wandered out to catch up with Frank who was running around like a schoolboy on the jetty playing "tag" with Tommy and Gavin who were happily joining in.  
  
*****  
  
"A beer thanks." Rachel told the bartender at Cutters that night.  
She looked around the room, trying to spot Helen with her highly trained eye (she was a Detective, you know.) but giving up when her beer was set in front of her. Frank wandered in the door and headed towards the "boys" table. Rachel decided to go and see if he knew where Helen was, so she picked up her beer and wound her way through the tables to talk to him. "Hey Frank!" Rachel stabbed him in the shoulder with a long fingernail.   
"Yeah?"  
"You seen Helen?"  
"Nah, last I saw she was out somewhere in a flash dress."  
"What?! Did she say where she was going?"  
"Nope. HEY!!! You ugly lot! You guys know where Helen went?" Frank bellowed at the boys who were busy having a sculling competition.  
"Nope!" They all replied, looking at him and Rachel funnily.   
"Thanks boys." Rachel frowned and went back to the "girls" table.  
"They don't know either?" Tayler asked, a crease of worry wrinkling her forehead.  
"Nah. Look, I wouldn't worry Tayler, I'll bet she's gone out with her new date." Rachel winked at the slyly.  
An "Oh!" of agreement rose from the table, and the bad jokes and laughter started again. But Rachel and Frank's minds weren't at ease. They both rose at the same time and headed towards the door after saying goodbye to the rest of the Water Police personnel. "You thinking what I'm thinking D1?" Frank asked.  
"I think I am thinking what you're thinking D2!" Rachel grinned.  
"Helen's place!" They said simultaneously, and wandered out to Frank's red sedan.  
  
*****  
  
"The lights are on..." Frank glanced up at the house as they pulled into Helen's paved driveway.  
"I reckon she's home. Shall we go and see, D2?" Rachel asked, shoving her purse underneath her seat.  
"Yeah, I reckon we should, D1!"  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah.  
"Yeah?"  
"Yeah."  
They got out of the car and wandered up to the front door. They looked at each other, wondering if it was the right thing to do, nodded, and rang the doorbell. Some giggling came from inside the house, then Helen's voice told someone to "SSHHH!". Some more giggling erupted, and then someone said "Ow!" and that someone sounded male. Frank and Rachel stared at each other in disbelief. They rang again. But Helen refused to answer. "You think she's okay?" Frank whispered to Rachel.  
"I'd say so!" Rachel sniggered, pointing to a bra hanging off the lounge doorknob, and a pair of underwear draped on a pot plant.  
"Should we leave them to have fun?" Frank whispered, highly amused.  
"Yeah, I think we'd better, or she'll kill us if she founds out it's us!" Rachel suppressed a fit of laughter, and the two walked back to the waiting car.  
As soon as they were inside they cracked up laughing. "We can give her hell tomorrow!" Rachel shrieked, doubling over.  
"I reckon!" Frank started the car, trying to compose himself.  
"Come on, or she'll look out a window and see us!" Rachel managed to gasp, looking up at the house.  
"Okay! Okay!" Frank chuckled, reversing out of the driveway and onto the main road.  
  
*****  
  
"Morning Helen!" Rachel signed in at reception at 9am a week later.  
"Morning Rachel!"  
"Where were you last night? We missed you!" Rachel asked, wondering why Helen hadn't been around much lately.  
"Oh, just having dinner with an old mate of mine." Helen grinned to herself.  
"Oh really?"  
"Yeah, someone from High School. Frank's not here yet, obviously, but a guy called Mark Hutchings called for you and wouldn't leave anything but his name and number." Helen handed the tall Detective the note.  
"Okay. Thanks Helen. And when Frank comes in, can you tell him to get up to see me quick smart? Thanks." Rachel ran up the stairs to the office, feeling slightly less hysterical after receiving the note.  
She walked briskly into her shared office, plonked herself down at the desk, and picked up the phone.  
"Hi, is Mark Hutchings there please?.... It's Senior Detective Constable Rachel Goldstein... Yeah, I'll hold for a few minutes." Rachel rolled her eyes as the usual 80s music came on. She looked at her watch after what felt like an hour. 9.05am. Great, that's all she needed; a day hanging on the phone. Suddenly someone picked up. "Mr Hutchings, it's Senior Detective Constable Rachel Goldstein here, you called?... Oh, right. Yeah, thanks mate, I'll come around later on... Yeah, ta." Rachel scratched her forehead and put down the phone. Information for a case she was working on. Woohoo. Now to wait for Frank.  
  
*****  
  
"Morning Rach!" Frank waltzed into the office 25 minutes late as usual, looking very pleased with himself.   
"What're you grinning about?" Rachel glanced up at him, a curious frown creasing her brow.  
"Nothing..." Frank wanted to tell her, but he didn't know if he should.  
"What, Holloway? What is it? Tell me or I'll use this to staple you to the wall." Rachel pulled a large, deadly looking staple gun out of her top drawer.  
"Okay, okay! I surrender! Helen's sick." Frank said.  
"What? Bull. I saw her before, she's fine." Rachel snapped at him, frowning at him with disdain.  
"Eh? Not when I came in! She slapped her hand over her mouth and hooned off in the direction of the loos." Frank scratched his head, still pleased with himself because *he* knew something *she* didn't.   
"What? Yeah, probably from the sight of your unshaven face." Rachel retorted, scowling at her scruffy-looking partner.   
"Seriously!" Frank's face went deadly serious.  
"You sure you weren't hallucinating again? Like the pink elephants dancing around your walls? Right, I'll go see if she's okay then." Rachel received the nod from Frank and headed down to reception to find out what was wrong with her best friend.   
"Helen? You okay? You look kind of... sick." Rachel slid behind the reception desk and put her hand on a very pale Helen's shoulder.  
"Fine. Just fine." Helen said quickly, trying to hide something from her friend. She didn't need to though, because Helen's niece, and fellow receptionist, Tayler Johnson, told Rachel what it was.  
"She's been throwing up all week." Tayler pointed out, ignoring a cold glare from her Aunt.  
"Eh? Helen, have you been to see a doctor?" Rachel was concerned now.  
"No! I am NOT going to the bloody QUACK!" Helen half-yelled, sheer terror flashing through her eyes.  
"You're sick, Helen." Rachel said bluntly.  
"No, I'm bloody not. I refuse to be sick. *I*, Helen Blakemore, am never sick." Helen stood up and rushed out to the fridge.  
"Where's the bloody icecream? TOMMY!!!" Helen searched desperately for the icecream while Tayler and Rachel looked on in amazement.  
"What the..." Rachel stared at Helen.  
"I agree." Tayler stared at Helen.  
"What?!" Helen snapped when she looked up to find the pair staring at her.  
"It's not fair. It's just not bloody fair." Helen said quietly, and a tear trickled down her cheek.  
"Helen, come with me. Come on!" Rachel tugged on Helen's arm, dragging the sobbing woman out of the doors.  
"Helen? What's wrong?" Rachel asked when they'd reached the end of the quiet jetty.  
"Nothing. Nothing! I don't bloody know!!!" Helen laughed sadly, shaking her head.  
"How long have you been like this?" Rachel asked.  
"I don't know... I've been throwing up since... since Gary and I... oh, crap." Helen looked down at her abdomen, then back at Rachel.  
"But I thought you were..." Rachel was confused.  
"So did I, until I met Gary." Helen confessed quietly, roughly wiping away a few more tears.  
"You'd better go to the doctor and find out for sure." Rachel grinned at Helen and gave her a bear hug.  
"Yeah. Say, Rachel, would you mind..." Helen began nervously.  
"Coming with you? Yeah, sure I'll come! What are friends for?" Rachel gave her another reassuring squeeze.  
"And Rachel," Helen looked up at her friend, "Can we keep this our secret until I feel ready to tell everyone?".  
"Yeah, of course! We'll make up some excuse for your behaviour... let's see... um, your friend from High School gave you the bug, and then he... no, she left without saying goodbye? And you just had a hankering for ice cream. How about that?" Rachel suggested with a smile.  
"Yeah... yeah, sounds good to me. Jessica Napier-the friend." Helen sighed and blinked a few times to keep fresh tears in check.  
"Okay then. I'll tell Tayler, and you go out shopping for a while, okay? And I'll tell everyone who's curious that you've gone to see the doctor, okay?"   
"Yeah. And Rachel?" Helen looked up at Rachel who turned around before she headed inside.  
"Yeah?"  
"Thanks. Don't know what I'd do without you." Helen grinned and stood up.  
"Anytime." Rachel grinned to herself and headed inside.  
  
*****  
  
"Well? Oh, come on Rach!" Frank continued to interrogate Rachel over what was going on with Helen.  
It was time for Rachel to put her acting to the test, and not get caught by her fellow detective. She breathed in inconspicuously, then opened her mouth. "Her mate from High School, Jessica Napier, she left Sydney without saying goodbye to her. She's upset because she used to be her best mate. And she's got the flu to make everything even worse." Rachel explained.  
"Bummer. She gonna be okay?" Frank asked Rachel, seeming to buy it, but you never knew with Frank Holloway.  
"Yeah, I'd say so." Rachel smiled at him, then wandered off downstairs.  
Just as she reached the bottom, Tayler practically jumped on her. "What's wrong with Aunt... the Serg?" Tayler looked like she was worried sick.   
"She's got the flu, and her High School mate left town without telling her." Rachel explained, checking her watch.  
"Where'd she go?"   
"Oh, I sent her to the doctor, she wasn't feeling good again. She'll be back in about an hour I should think." Rachel patted Tayler on the arm.  
  
*****  
  
"Tayler, anyone call for me?" Helen asked when she got back to the station, clutching a bag full of clothes.  
"Nah, sorry Serg. You feeling better?" Tayler asked, the word 'concerned' might as well have been etched across her forehead.  
"Yeah. The doctor said to take it easy and that I'm over the worst of it. It'll last a while longer though." Helen smiled reassuringly, and dumped the bag on her desk.  
"Helen! You feeling okay?" Frank wandered down the stairs.  
"Yeah, thanks Frank."  
"Good. Oh, and Tommy bought a massive tub of Hokey Pokey icecream from a speciality shop just for you." Frank grinned, his eyes floating towards the freezer.  
"Great. Any work for me to do?" Helen asked, eager to get back to her normal routine, and consume most of the icecream of course.  
"I finished it all for you Serg, thought you could do with some piece and quiet." Tayler smiled at her.  
"Rachel told you, didn't she?" Helen asked quickly.  
"Yeah, she did. Jessica sounds like a total cow." Tayler patted her Aunt's hand.  
"Huh? Oh, yeah, yeah she is." Helen could breathe again.  
"Uh, I've got to go to the loos. 'Scuse me." Helen ducked into the ladies toilets and breathed a sigh of relief.  
  
*****  
  
Helen nervously swung her legs around underneath the chair in the doctor's office that evening. Rachel tapped on the armrest, eager for the doctor's results. Soon the door opened, and a tall, balding man of about 60 waltzed in, rather like how Frank glided into the office in the mornings. "Hello, Helen! How are you feeling today?" The doctor said politely, smiling at Rachel.  
"Fine. Just perfect. The results?" Helen snapped, her moodiness making an appearance.  
"Congratulations, Miss Blakemore, you're pregnant."  
Helen felt herself go white, then she was vaguely aware of someone calling her name, but she couldn't respond. Everything went black. The next thing she saw was the white ceiling, then the doctor's face hovering over her. "What the..." She began.  
"You fainted. Just lie there for a little while. Your blood pressure is playing up." The doctor patted her hand and moved back towards his desk. Rachel moved into view.  
"Bloody hell mate! You'd better not do that in the station, or they'll definitely suspect something's up!" Rachel smirked, her eyes twinkling with relief.  
"Nah, better not." Helen nodded, then slowly pulled herself into sitting position.  
"Oh, me head." Helen mumbled, and held her temples for a minute, then looked up to see a baby book sitting on the floor in a box of toys. That was when she burst into tears. Was she ready for this? Would she make a good Mum? How would she tell Gary? What would he do?  
  
*****  
  
Rachel drove Helen home in silence, not wanting to interrupt her thoughts. She glanced over at her several times trying to pick what she was thinking, but Helen had put on her Intelligence Officer face, blank, no emotion, no clues. Pulling up outside her small two-bedroom townhouse, Rachel looked at Helen who remained like a block of wood. "You okay?" Rachel asked gently.  
"Yeah. Yeah, I will be." Helen turned to look out the window, blinking back tears.  
"No you're not. Come on, let's go inside." Rachel got out, Helen grudgingly following her to the front door.  
"There. You go lie on the couch or something, and I'll make us a coffee... no, we'll have orange juice, okay?" Rachel headed for Helen's immaculate kitchen.  
"Okay." Helen was in no mood for arguing, so she obeyed and fell on the couch with a loud sigh.  
"What are you going to tell Gary?" Rachel echoed Helen's own thoughts.  
"I don't bloody well know." Helen felt tears boiling up in her tear ducts.  
"You know how I told Jonathon when I found out I was going to have David?" Rachel smiled at the memory.  
"I bought a cot and put it in his office." Rachel said after receiving no reply from Helen.  
"What'd he do?" Helen asked quietly, smiling at the thought.  
"He fainted." Rachel said bluntly.  
Helen laughed at that. She could just see it. "How do you think I should tell him?" Helen asked Rachel as she handed her a glass of juice.  
"Use your imagination." Rachel replied.  
Suddenly there was a knock on the door, and both of them looked at each other. "Expecting anyone?" Rachel asked.   
Helen shook her head, getting up. "Stay there, you. I'll get it. It's probably Frank or Jeff." Rachel stood up and walked out to the front door.  
She opened it to find a gorgeous guy standing there. Tall, blonde, muscly, green twinkly eyes, and a cheery smile. "Yes?" Rachel asked, taking the lovely sight in and admiring what she saw.  
"Is Helen in?" He had a kiwi accent.  
"Uh, yeah, come on in..." Rachel wondered if this could be the father-to-be.  
She led the way into the lounge where Helen was blankly staring at the wall sipping the juice. "Helen? Visitor..." Rachel stepped aside, and Helen looked up in shock and pleasure.  
"Hey sweetheart! Brought you these. Hope you like them." Gary pulled out a mass of flowers and handed them to Helen.  
"Thanks Gar... look, we've got to talk." Helen motioned for him to sit down.  
"Uh, should I go?" Rachel asked.  
"No! No, but could you possibly wait in the kitchen or something?" Helen's eyes pleaded for Rachel to stay.  
"Sure. Call me if you want anything." Rachel smiled at Gary, then Helen, then scooted out of the room.  
"Gary... Uh, oh hell. How do I say it?" Helen shook her head and sighed heavily.  
"Helen? Come on, you can tell me anything." Gary patted her hand reassuringly, then put his arm around her.  
"I'm gonna have a baby. Your baby, Gary." Helen blurted out.  
Gary looked shocked for a second, and Helen could see his mind ticking over through her tear-streaked eyes. "You're sure?" Gary asked softly, almost lovingly.  
"I've had the test." Helen whispered.  
"Oh my gosh! I'm gonna be a Dad!!! Helen, I was going to ask you this before, but this just makes it even easier to ask! We've known each other, what, six months?" Gary's eyes twinkled, and Rachel was by now eavesdropping on the conversation from the kitchen.  
"Yeah, today." Helen sniffed.  
"Well, these past six months I've been happier than I have EVER been, and I've realised just how much you mean to me! So, Helen, if you feel the same way about me, will you please marry me?" Gary got down on one knee and produced a box with a diamond engagement ring in it.  
"Yes!" Helen leapt into his arms, and Rachel came out running to join in the group hug.  
"Woohoo! You're getting married!" Rachel hugged her friend, then Gary, then ran back to the kitchen to find a bottle of non-alcoholic grape juice to celebrate with.  
  
*****  
*****  
  
Eesh, what is happening to me? I'm going romantic in my old age! Teeheehee, just kidding! Well, what did you think of my lovely "piece of fluff"? Did I pull it off? E-mail me some feedback please!!! You know the address, but in case you don't, it's sydneygirl@hotmail.com okay? Groovy!  



End file.
